She didn't have to go. My dear friend didn't have to take her life. She alone knows the reasons, but no reason is enough to do this. And *I* say this, an admittedly suicidal looney bin.
She was smart, beautiful, kind and yes.. the most enviable feature about her: she had an aura. The way she carried herself, you could not get too close to her, it was like she had a bubble around her, and she walked in the air.
She just DID NOT have to go. We saw the dark side flash a couple of times, but who can tell that someone is going to take this step. Even so, I feel guilty for not having lifted a finger to help her.
I want to feel alright now, and in a hurry. I am more afraid for myself than before, and afraid for a few people around me. I will try to ensure that I do not lose any more friends. I cannot. Too many have gone. And this one didn't have to go.
Meanwhile, I go through the motions of a private mourning. No one can help/console me, because it is all happening inside. I hate being like this sometimes, but I cannot change, somehow.
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Lightspeed Perspective by El Furibundo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at lightspeedperspective.blogspot.com.
5 comments:
sorry for ur loss... and like u said, d sooner u get a grip on urself, d better... for someone like me, who is a 'suicidal looney bin' too, a dear friend who had d courage to take d step, would be reason enough for me to follow...
praying that God heals... cya...
Thanks for the encouraging part of your comment. :)
As for the other part: well, I can tell you it's not worth it. No reason is reason enough to take that step. AND, it's wrong. Simple as that, hence we have our ample deterrent. :)
Morality isn't a strong enough deterrent unless your moral compass is absolute. Shades of grey do exist and that's something you and I know all too well.
As for whether it requires courage or the lack of it, I think it's the latter.
In many cases, the body is willing but the mind isn't. In some, the mind is willing and the body isn't.
@Stargazer: You know me, don't you? Yeah, but these is a cut and dry thing kept before you, and it has worked for me. Whatever keeps you going, eh!?
@el: i agree... its wrong... no reason is good enough to take away life that God so lovingly gifted... but there are times when reason doesn't quite cut with us... like stargazer said, sometimes, d mind is willing but d body is weak or vice versa... sometimes, d dos and donts become a silent murmur in d back of our head and we are in a very dangerous state... where all we see or remember are d reasons y we cnt live anymore... y its pointless... when everything around us is wrong... and doing anything about it, is right... even ending it all...
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